The Day That Joe Biden Makes It Personal

Today was going to be a great day. Today Jimmy Johns was having dollar subs. (For those of you who do not have a Jimmy Johns, I'm sorry. They are fantastic. And no, your sub place is not better. Accept it.) Anyway, Jimmy Johns is busy on a normal day, so in order to not be in line for 2 hours to get the sub, I would need to leave work 15 minutes before they opened and try to be semi close to the front of the line. Yes, its kind of like getting concert tickets. People camp out overnight for this. (I don't know if this is true, but I like to think it is.)

Anyhow, my friend DJ and I had the plan all set to go. He was driving, we were leaving at 10:45, getting there at 10:55, and they open at 11. Simple. So we leave. The exit to the highway is right next to work, and as we get on we see two marked police cars, one unmarked, and a truck with one of those "Stop Traffic" blinking lights on it, all lights on all cars flashing, flying onto the highway. So we are all like,"Man, I bet there is an accident, I hope it doesn't make us late for Jimmy Johns, which sub are you getting..." and so on. We are driving along, and suddenly all the cop cars make a full speed, death-provoking choreographed spin-out and stop sideways, blocking traffic and testing the brakes of all the people right behind them. Lucky for them it appears everyone was up to date on inspection because I could totally see how that little trick could have ended in disaster, but anyway... we stopped. And waited. And waited. Did I mention that they pulled this stunt RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE EXIT? Like, I could have easily walked to Jimmy Johns. DJ was getting all mad and jonesing for the sub, and was saying things like, "Do you think they would be mad if I eased by and got on the exit? Do you think if I got out to ask what was going on, they would draw their guns? What is going on?" (I know you are wondering whether or not a Jimmy Johns sub is worth a standoff with a police officer. I'm not saying that it is, but I'm not saying that it isn't either..) We called a friend back at work to ask her to check the news, was there a chase happening, what was going on, and how long can we expect it to last? She didn't know. So we sat. And sat. Until she called back and whispered, "I found out what's going on. Joe Biden is in town, and they are blocking the highway for him." Well, damn.

When the cops finally let us go, we drove the 17 feet to the exit and arrive at Jimmy Johns. We get out and walk around to the door, only to see the line was wrapped completely around the building. I may or may not have seen a tent from the previous night, just sayin.. and since we are supposed to have a half hour lunch and we had already been gone for a half hour, we admitted defeat and drove away, cursing Joe Biden the entire time. And since I knew it was dollar JJ's day, I didn't bring a lunch. So we settled for Quiznos. And y'all know I love Quiznos, but when I was looking forward to a JJ's sub, a Quiznos salad doesn't really cut it.

To sum up, Joe really put a dent in my mood today. If not for him, we would have made at least the MIDDLE of the line. If not for him, I would have spent $1.00 on lunch instead of $7.92. So Joe, if you are reading this, I am very disappointed. You owe me $6.92, and yes, I will take a personal check. And I hope you let Barack know that this little stunt you pulled today will be taken into consideration during the next election. Remember that.