Molly

Here I am with my little, (huge,) baby, Molly. She gets on my nerves a LOT, but at the end of the day I love her to pieces. And last night I got zero sleep because she was sick :( I think she has the flu but I'm not totally sure. I do know that she was laying by my bed panting for about a half hour and seeing as it was pretty cool in the apartment, I couldn't understand it. I decided to bring her outside to see if she had to use the bathroom and man, did she ever. She squatted right down and, ahem, did both at the same time. I have never seen a dog do that before. And she kept on trying to go long after stuff stopped coming out. I had to gently coax her back inside, where she avoided sitting down because I think she was in pain from straining to use the bathroom. She looked miserable. After she settled down I went to sleep, but I had to get up again in the middle of the night for a repeat performance and then I couldn't get back to sleep. As a result I am physically sitting at my desk at work but mentally still asleep in bed, and I didn't get up in time to make a smoothie or anything for lunch. Quiznos salad it is.

The good news in all this is that the cat is able to roam freely around the apartment, because Molly is too tired to chase her. Lexi, enjoy your freedom while you can. I don't think its going to last long.

Transformers, Taco Shells and Snow

Its Thursday, yay!! I don't work at Target tonight so that means one more evening of laziness until tomorrow, but even tomorrow is just a 4 hour shift. Last night J and I watched Transformers 2, which I actually really got into. I'm not really an action film girl, but I decided to watch since he watched Obsessed with me the other night. Transformers is a 2 and a half hour movie so its a good thing I ended up liking it!

Today the healthy eating went totally off track. I didn't even completely do it on purpose. I started with my usual green smoothie. I jazzed it up with some dried Goldenberries and it was delicious. But then I got to work, and of course we had to be celebrating something, and there were bagels and cream cheese. I didn't even try to resist. (This prompted my boss to say, "YOU ate a bagel? A whole bagel? With cream cheese on both sides?" I said yes, and he asked was I falling off the wagon, and I said no, but that even eating fruits and veggies makes me gain 5 pounds so a bagel couldn't hurt. To which he looked at me for a minute and said, "5 pounds? Where?" Fabulous news.) Anyway, for lunch I brought leftovers from my bean tacos that I had last night, which consisted of organic vegetarian refried beans, tomatoes, lettuce, cheese, plain Greek yogurt and salsa on a hard taco shell. They were SO good, but I forgot the shells today. So I will be "forced" to get Doritos from the vending machine to eat them with :) I have no idea what to have for dinner tonight, but I'm thinking another green smoothie may be in order, just to cleanse out the bagel and Doritos. But maybe not. I will see if my Mexican food craving is satisfied after lunch, because if not I may need to make more tacos tonight. They are as healthy as I can manage, so I don't feel that bad about it.

In other news, it was a full on blizzard when I drove to work this morning. It was literally a white out, and I had to drive S L O W L Y because I couldn't see anything. Now there is zero evidence of snow, its almost 40 degrees out, and the sun is shining. Come on NC. Get it together.

Random Thoughts

I don't have a whole thought to post today, but I have lots of little ones.

• I decided not to care about the 5 pounds. Its that time of the month, and I'm going to blame that. I feel skinnier, I LOOK skinnier, and I got hit on a lot when I went out last weekend. As in, I was the girl who got into the bar for free. Hellz yes, so I'm not even thinking about that 5 pounds anymore.
• From now on in my blogs, my boyfriend will be referred to as "J." I am sick of typing out all the words "my boyfriend" so J it is.
• J and I watched Obsessed last night, and its a good thing he isn't a jealous man because I spent kind of a lot of time drooling over Idris. Which J already knew, because we used to watch The Wire, and he was in that too. Mmmm.... Idris....
• Up until now I have been spray tanning this winter. I am a die hard tanner, and I will lay in the sun this summer but I decided the bed was not for me. Until yesterday. When I saw the word "Instant" next to a room with a bed, and a VERY dark girl emerge from that room. Apparently this bed tans you in one session. I don't know if I can resist trying this out.
• Did you see the buttons on my page?? I FINALLY figured out how to take buttons and display them!! This is exciting for me, except I cannot get the SITS button. It doesn't like my page. Has anyone else had this problem? And FYI, I still don't know how to get my own button.
• I still have 2 nights off this week from Target, and I'm not sure I will be using them for good. I may use them the way I used the other two, to lay in bed and be a lazy, lazy loser. Does anyone want to come clean my apartment? Because I'm not promising I will get to it. Ever.
• As I am writing this post, a man came over to my pod and hung a giant sign over my desk that reads our company name is huge letters, followed by "Information Technology." Everyone is looking at it like, duh, we know where we are. And my boss came over pretending to be lost and said thank God for the sign, because he wasn't sure where he was. Office humor, I know, but seriously... we have been here for 12 years and now there needs to be a sign? Who's brilliant plan was that?
• I think I am going to have bean tacos for dinner. Yes, yes I do. That sounds fabulous. So far today I had a green smoothie, a banana with peanut butter, naan loaded with veggies, and 4 Thin Mints. Tonight I will have bean, lettuce and tomato tacos, with a little cheese and salsa. Does this sound like the diet of a girl who should be gaining 5 pounds? I didn't think so.
• Its raining and cold again. It was warm for two days, and now its gross outside. I couldn't be more ready for summer. Laying by the pool, not needing to bundle up to walk the dog, no need to warm the car before work....ahhh....

Not Feeling Great

You all know that for the past couple of weeks, I have been trying to eat mostly Raw. Things have been going well, I have experienced MUCH less bloating, I have a little more energy, and the food is really good. I have felt like I have been losing weight, probably due to lack of bloating, and I've been in a really good mood about it. (Not to mention that I really like knowing that I'm being healthier in my diet, getting all those greens with my smoothies and other fruits and veggies all day.) I FEEL better, but when I stepped on the scale this morning, I weigh actually 5 pounds MORE. This is such non-exciting news. Now I am 20 pounds away from my goal weight instead of 15. I'm so confused, because I feel better, I think I look better without my GIANT swollen bloated stomach, but I still managed to GAIN weight? WTF??? I know its just a number on the scale, I know that it matters more how I feel, but it's still discouraging. And I also know that I don't get the exercise that I should, so I bet that would make a difference too. Its really hard to start going to the gym when its been so long. I want to nap instead. Right now I am exhausted and for really no reason, because I got a good night's sleep last night. And all I can think about is taking a nap when I get home. Maybe its the weather. Who knows. If its not raining, I will try to take the dog for a walk later. I need to start somewhere. I'm tired of carrying around this extra weight that I have had for a few years now. UGH.

I will try to cheer up and maybe come back later with something less depressing.

Weekend recap

Hello everyone :) I meant to post this weekend, which is something I rarely do. But when I got onto my home computer, I noticed apparently its allergic to anything Google, which included the search page, Gmail, and blogger. So after getting super frustrated trying to figure out what was wrong, I gave up. Sorry about that! But I did have a fabulous weekend. First of all, I was sick on Friday AGAIN, with the second 24 hour bug that I got last week. Fever, sore throat, headache all over again. I stayed home from work and slept till I felt better. Saturday I went into work at Target and since they are trying to cut hours for the next couple weeks, my 8 hour shift was changed to a 4 hour.. I could NOT have been happier. And it was gorgeous outside and I couldn't stand being shut up inside at my register, so I begged to be a cart attendant. That's right. That's how bad I wanted to be outside. And so for the last hour that I was there, my friend and I went outside and pushed carts, which we have no experience doing and therefore spent most of the time in tears from laughing and being flipped off by customers in the cars because we were blocking traffic. It was by far my best shift at Target to date.
Later that night, I went out in downtown Raleigh with some friends and had a fabulous time. I rarely go out and drink anymore, so when I do, its always a blast. I went out a couple of weeks ago for a birthday, but before then it had been over a year since I was out. So it was nice to relax with the girls, (and a couple of guys who joined us for part of the trip, and no, not randoms, these were boys we knew,) dance, and get generally drunk. The only thing I would change about this trip if I could was that we didn't get home till about 4 in the morning because everyone else wanted to eat. I didn't eat, I was good, but they all wanted greasy food so I sat there while they did that, and then the cab ride home seemed to take FOREVER. By the time I got home I was practically asleep, and I had to work at 2:00. That was NOT a good shift, but I made it through :)
This week I don't work at Target till Friday, so I will have plenty of time after work to do the things I want to do, like groceries, tanning, cleaning, maybe the gym. Who knows. Today I am dragging the boyfriend with me to the store so he can choose what food he wants. He isn't happy about this, but since he won't eat what I buy him, he has earned a trip. And then a trip to Whole Foods for me, and its home for the night.
Sorry I didn't have a lot to say, but I haven't posted since Thursday and this is all I had. I hope everyone else also had a fabulous weekend, I am catching up on blogs right now and a couple of you have made me fall out laughing out loud at my desk, so thanks for that. See you tomorrow!

Letters Of Intent

Dear (Ahem) Real Job:
I really like the new position you have settled me in. I like the work. I have no problem doing the work all day, and overtime if need be. With that being said.. do you think you could GIVE me some work to do? Because I would rather not be fired for being on Blogger ALL DAY LONG, if that's all right with you.

Dear Whoever Took My Parking Space:
I left for 10 minutes to get lunch. Pray that I don't find out who you are because walking a mile from my new parking space put me in a really bad mood.

Dear Target:
You didn't really do anything to me, but I just don't want to come in tonight. Do you think I could stay home in bed and you could pay me anyway? That would be fabulous.

Dear Guy Who Sits Behind Me:
I know your real name by the way, but didn't want to broadcast on my blog..... I'm sorry I have been on the phone for the past hour. You see, work doesn't really give me much to do this week so I need to occupy my time, and some of this involves the phone. Don't worry, I'm hoping next week you will hear a little less personal conversation and a little more Lil Wayne wafting over from my ipod while I'm hard at work.

Dear CNN:
So today you have a story that made me just flip out on the inside. Apparently we are now arresting middle school aged children because they are writing on their desks? What has this country come too? I hate that I'm now at the age, (26!!!) where I can say "back in my day," but back in my day? Kids doodled, scribbled, carved, etc on their desks all day long. We wrote on the inside cover of textbooks. We had food fights. And yes, sometimes we got detention or whatever, but arrested??? I cannot believe it has come to this. Please, all you great minds of America, stop pushing and pushing useless rules with dire consequences for CHILDREN. Its unnecessary to arrest a child for doodling on a desk. Talk about a power trip. Are we really spending time and money to station actual police officers at a school to deal with these tiny, minor infractions instead of spending money on GYM CLASS and MUSIC PROGRAMS, and damn it... a HEALTHY SCHOOL LUNCH???? No, please. This would be asking too much.

The journey

The first thing I want to share today is this AMAZING green smoothie I made last night. It was inspired by, but not stolen from, ideas from Kristen. There are some things on her site that she talks about all the time, like Raw Chocolate, and Hemp Protein Powder, and I had no clue where to get these things. She has a link on her website so I figured I would order it all from there, until I went to Whole Foods last night and turned a corner and bam! It was all there, lined right up like I had asked for it or something. I wasn't even looking for it, so I was super excited. So I bought the chocolate and the protein powder and a bunch of fruit, and made this:



One mango

One banana

Handful of Raw chocolate

Two tablespoons of hemp powder

One handful each swiss chard and baby spinach

Splash of vanilla extract



It was lime green colored, chocolate flavored greatness. I also had one for breakfast. Last night I paired this smoothie with a sandwich on whole wheat bread, with tomato, avocado, and a sprinkle of organic mozzarella. This morning, I brought two more bananas and peanut butter for either a mid morning or afternoon snack, whenever I feel like it. I'm getting a Quiznos salad, (I know, I just ruined it didn't I..) but at least its a salad with dressing that I will add MYSELF, and not a giant sandwich or something. I'm PMSing, I'm entitled. Especially since I only had 2 Thin Mints yesterday. EXTREME willpower.



I was thinking last night about all the stages people go through to lose weight and/or be healthy. I was thinking that there are a lot of people out there who are starting their progress in baby steps, like switching to baked chips, or giving up soda. (Soda is the devil. If you still drink it, STOP.) There are people who are starting to put mustard instead of mayonnaise on their sandwiches, and trying to eat more turkey than ham. People who are trying to drink more water, but can't stand water, so they flavor it somehow. And to these people, I say good job. Keep it up. Because everyone has to start somewhere, and not everyone can make a giant, drastic, green smoothie change all in one day. Not everyone understands or cares about organic produce, or the importance of NOT DRINKING SODA. I think becoming healthy is a journey, and anything big or small that you can do to improve your health, you should do it and feel good about it. When I started eating meat again after high school, I decided I could never give it up again. I have been meat free now for over a year and I don't really miss it. When I first heard about eating Raw, years and years ago, I didn't even give it a second thought. I dismissed it as something I could never do. (And to be fair, I still don't think I could do it completely. I love spaghetti too much.) But as you learn and grow, you discover things about yourself that you can do, that all of a sudden you WANT to do. So for the people who are taking their food journey in baby steps, I am SO proud of you. One day you will look back and see how far you have come, and you will be proud too.

Hanging on by a thread

Today, my willpower is being tested. I am trying to avoid processed sugar for a while because of the seriously ridiculous binge I went on last week, and what happens today? Oh right... GIRL SCOUT COOKIE DAY. That's right. I ordered three boxes and they are here, today of all days. They have been shoved into my bag, out of sight but not out of mind. They are actually so on my mind that I'm debating giving them away, but then BF would be mad. Two of the boxes are for him. I don't usually stress about eating sugar, because I don't usually eat a whole lot of it, but I really don't know what happened last week. I couldn't get enough. Cookie dough... ice cream... chocolates... and I'm talking like 3 containers of ice cream. And I don't even usually like ice cream. I feel like an addict right now, jonesing for my sugar. Normally, the mango and two kiwi I had for breakfast would have been enough and the "sweet" craving would have been satisfied, so I guess that goes to show you how hard it is to recover from even just a few days of bad eating. But I will do it. Hormones and all from PMSing, I will do it. I'm not stupid.. I know that if I cut it cold turkey I will binge on it sooner or later. I am allowing myself a dark chocolate Jello Mousse cup after lunch. But the cookies are burning out of my bag and staring at me with their Thin-Mint eyes. They WILL wait.

Damn you Juliette Low. Damn you.

The V-Day Weekend

So its Tuesday, and I'm back at work after my long weekend. (Well, it was only one real day off from work, so my version of a long weekend= one day= pathetic.) But anyway.. Valentine's Day was surprisingly great :) Not the actual day, because I had to work and the boyfriend had a funeral, (I know, on Valentine's Day,) but Saturday was great. I woke up and went into the kitchen still half asleep, and found a card on the counter. He has NEVER bought me a card. Inside he said he loved me and to look on the couch for presents. He bought me 2 new feather pillows for the bed, because I ALWAYS complain about our pillows, a new laptop bag for work that is SO cute, 2 jar candles, and the new Wayne CD. He hates Valentine's Day, so I was surprised and a little emotional over all the new stuff. He made my weekend :) (And in case you are wondering, I bought him Dante's Inferno for the PS3. Pretty much, I am encouraging use of this stupid thing, so that's really the nicest gift of all.)
So Sunday night I got sick. Somehow, I developed a nasty head cold over the course of my shift that day, and by the time I got home I had a sore throat, a fever, and headache, and all kinds of body aches and pains. I took some nighttime Sudafed and went to sleep, woke up yesterday and stayed in bed all day. The main purpose of me telling you this is that despite feeling like someone hit me with a truck, I stuck to my decision to start eating more Raw. And so I had two mango's, a bowl of strawberries, 2 bananas with peanut butter, a salad, and my little naan creation. And I realize that even though its full of veggies, its not Raw, but I only cook it for about 15 minutes so I'm calling it half. And I also dragged myself away from my bed and my Grey's marathon to bundle up and take my dog for a little stroll around the complex. And surprise surprise... I feel better today. I don't feel great, and I still think I will be taking a nap when I get home, but I no longer have the fever, the sore throat, or the body aches. All I really feel is tired. Now maybe it was just a 24 hour thing, or maybe it was the good, healthy food and the walk, but either way it didn't hurt. So this morning I had a mango and two bananas, and I have naan for lunch, and we will see how it goes. I will keep you all updated.

And PS... no bloating. And this is the greatest thing of all.

It's the weekend :)

And yes, I am smiling. Its Friday, so I should be doing a "Letters of Intent" post today, but I think I'm going to skip it. I feel like I just did one, and even though I can be a master at complaining, I'll save all that bitching for next week. You're welcome :)





I do have a small problem.. since last night, I have been very. very bloated. Like feeling like something is about to rupture-bloated. I don't know why, but I feel like this a lot. So I have been thinking back to the detox, and how even though I could not keep it up because I was exhausted, the one good thing was that I was not bloated. For 4 whole days. In fact, I didn't have any digestive issues at all, and for someone who has had an ulcer, acid reflux, and a generally SUPER sensitive stomach, 4 days is huge. So after some thought, and a little doubling over in pain from the bloating, I have made a decision. I'm going to try again, but a little differently. I am going to try to eat MOSTLY raw foods for a while. I am going to go to Whole Foods this weekend and get some tasty organic fruits and veggies, and make them be the bulk of my diet for the weekend. I will see if this helps. I discovered Kristen yesterday, and she has a TON of advice and resources for eating Raw. I really want her "cook"book...hmmm... maybe with tax return money??? Anyway, sorry, off topic. She's great. Go check her out if you are at all interested in this. I think I am going to email her some questions. I will let you all know if anything comes out of my semi-Raw experience. And since I'm trying to get a little more fancy with the blog, perhaps I will try to post a picture of my shopping trip in my next post.



I have one small Letter of Intent. I know I said I wasn't going to post one, but I changed my mind. Its my blog, so its up to me.



Dear Target:



I know I was rough on you last week. This week, I want to thank you for cutting my hours. No, I'm serious. I know a lot of people are mad at you right now for cutting hours, but I truly appreciate it. I have loved going right home after the real job and STAYING home. Its been great. And I get to do it for 3 days next week. And 4 days the week after that. If you want to keep me at 20 hours instead of 30, this is fine with me. Because the difference between 20 hours and 30? is my sanity.



Sincerely, your happily underworked employee.





Have a fabulous weekend everyone!! I actually have Monday off from both jobs.. this rarely happens, so I am super excited, and may even GO TO THE GYM!!!

Money money money mon-ay... MON-AY!

Yep, I got my tax return today. And even though I'm not doing anything super fancy or exciting with it, I am super excited. It means I can catch up on some bills. NC had a period of about 2 weeks where the weather was really cold, and my southern apartment is just not equipped to handle such temperatures. It isn't well insulated, plus I live on the third floor because I refuse to have anyone above me. So the heat was just... floating away. That little cold snap cost me $400 in electricity. And no, that isn't a typo. So between that, and the fact that I've been strapped for cash for a MINUTE, (as the boyfriend would say,) means that I'm behind on almost all bills. And my little tax return is going to help a whole lot with this, and take a lot of stress off my shoulders. It also means I can go grocery shopping with a slightly less-tight budget. I like grocery shopping when I can buy what I want to buy and not worry so much about sales and coupons and all that craziness. You know by now that I really like food, so when there are no budgetary restrictions, its ALMOST as much fun as buying shoes.

Speaking of shoes, the boyfriend told me to buy something for myself with some of the money, and not to spend it all on bills. I plan to catch up and pay bills FIRST and see what I have left, and then perhaps I will buy one of two pairs of shoes that I've been eyeing for a bit. You see them... help me decide!

Kids These Days..

My grandmother sent me an article in the mail the other day that discussed how children's eating habits have changed over the past century. None of it was news to me, but it did bring up some feelings of anger that I have towards the way many children in the country eat today. Just the other day at work, a woman and her son came through my line and had a stack of lunchables. (By the way, I do not offer advice to people in my line about nutrition.. it would cross a line and I would be there all day with the crap I see..) Anyway, I grab the stack and the one on top is pepperoni pizza. The little boy pipes up and says, "That one is my favorite! Which one is YOUR favorite?" I honestly told him that I have never had a lunchable in my life but that I agree with him, this one looks like the best. (In my head I was screaming.) The mother turns to me and says, "Oh I know, aren't they disgusting? And they have like no nutrition in them whatsoever but he has to have them. Its like a status symbol at school I guess." I punched her in the face. Well, not really. But I wanted too. What kind of sense does it make to intentionally feed your child something that you admit you know has no nutrition in it, something you think is disgusting and BAD for you, but its ok because "he likes it"?? Its one thing if you honestly don't know better. But she clearly does.

There is a commercial that drives me crazy, I think its for Pedialyte or something, where the mother talks about how her daughter will not eat anything healthy. And the line says something like, "..and when her picky eating habits started affecting her health.." Excuse me? Am I the last person to be raised by a mother who made me eat my vegetables even if I didn't like them? Do mothers not do this anymore? And its not like I was an easy child who ate what I was told. I despised broccoli as a child. In fact, I still hate it. I have distinct memories of gagging over my plate, crying, telling her I hated her, etc. And she would sit there calmly and say, "You are not excused from the table until the broccoli is gone." Simple as that. I am suffering no lasting ill effects from this. Its not as if I am now scarred for life because my mother made me eat things that didn't taste good because they were good FOR me.

Anyway, it is a fact that childhood obesity is a quickly growing problem in this country. It breaks my heart to see kids who are completely inactive, who are not made to eat a balanced diet, and who will suffer severe consequences as a result. I see them every single day that I work. I see little, little kids running around the store with soda, literally throwing themselves around and being totally out of control because they are too young to handle all that caffeine. I see these things, and I'm sad. The only consolation that I have is that I know when I have kids, I will raise them the way my mother raised me. They will not be excused until they eat their vegetables. They will not even have the option for lunchables, or soda, or sugary cereals. I don't think my any means that I will be a perfect parent, but I will do my absolute best to make sure my kids eat well, every single day of their lives, in order to become healthy adults.

Letters Of Intent

This idea for Letters of Intent could not have come at a more perfect time. It came from Michelle over at Table For Nine, (a blogger that always makes me smile, so go check her out!!) and I decided it will be a fabulous way to vent some frustration I have this week. Here goes!!

Dear Target:
Please, just ONE TIME, pay attention to my availability and schedule me correctly. This includes the days I am available to work, (NOT Mondays,) the time on said days that I can come in, (after 4, hello, you are not my real job, you don't pay nearly well enough,) and the time I request off. (Do I need to remind you of the Christmas disaster?) Thanks, I appreciate your attention to this issue.

Dear Facebook:
Stop shutting down every time I click on something, and making me log back in. Its annoying, and even though I have come to like you much more than Myspace, I have to say Myspace gave me almost no trouble for 3 years. Don't MAKE me cancel my page and go back, because when you work correctly, you give me more joy than Myspace ever could.

Dear (Almost) All My Friends:

Stop having babies. Its making me want babies, and I'm not in the position to do so. With that being said, I cannot wait to come home and meet each and every one of the 6 new additions that have come since I was last home. Love all of you even if you give boyfriend a headache from hearing me beg for a child :)

Dear Boyfriend:

You have been fabulous the past few weeks. Don't stop. I don't know what happened but I'm loving you more and more lately, and I am so happy we are together. (Now that everyone threw up, I will move on... kisses :) )

Dear Old Men at Work:

Why do you think I would date you? I am 26 years old and you are all old enough to be my father. I don't find it flattering that you hit on me, I actually vomit a little every time we have interaction. And speaking of my father, his tone of voice when I told him of this latest incident leads me to believe that if he meets you, the delightful combo of NY and NJ will come out, and you will get a beat down where you don't remember your own name. This also goes for the boyfriend... he is also not impressed, he lives RIGHT HERE, and his bones don't break as easily. Do we have an understanding? Because next time I have to fend you off, you won't need to worry about them, because I am a NY girl born and raised and I will embarrass the shit out of you.

Ahh, thanks Michelle. I feel much better :)

A lil post

Just something small until I have more time...

First I want to announce that I successfully avoided the bagels yesterday. I was very proud of myself. Today I woke up too late and therefore didn't have breakfast or make lunch to bring to work. So "brunch" will be a Quiznos salad. I love Quiznos salads, and since I'm a vegetarian, mine is definitely a pain in the ass to make. So here is a shout-out to the Quiznos guy who happily makes it for me every couple of weeks, without complaint, and he now has it almost memorized. I heart you, Quiznos guy, because you could totally be a jerk about it but you aren't :)

If I have time later, I will post on what I really wanted to talk about today, which is what kids are eating nowadays and how it continues to amaze me, but I have a feeling that could be long. Because I have VERY specific opinions about it. So if there is no time today, I will post it in the next couple of days. I'm off to get my salad, yes, at 10 am, because I had no breakfast and I am starving.

Standing strong..

So yesterday I was mad at myself for eating pizza when I definitely didn't need too. Today I am proud of myself for avoiding bagels that were brought in for the IT department. Not only are they bagels, they are FRESH bagels, with every imaginable cream cheese, and they are sitting on a table in the main hall that I walk down oh, 50 times a day. And I can smell them at my desk. I had a bagel this morning but that doesn't matter because it was a Lender's bagel and so NOT the same. However, lunch is in a half hour, and I know that I have delicious naan and something else that I discovered... Jello Dark Chocolate Mousse Cups. 60 calories a cup and SO delicious. I have no idea whether or not these come in other flavors because I saw dark chocolate and got tunnel vision, but definitely check these out. They are perfect if you are like me and need something sweet after meals. Anyway, so far I am standing strong and avoiding the bagels.

Not perfect..

So even though losing weight was not my New Year's resolution this year, OF COURSE it has been on my mind. Not a lot, like 15 pounds and tone up a little, but it's a very stubborn 15 pounds and it wants to stay. So since my work schedule makes it impossible to go to the gym that I pay $50 a month for, I have been trying to eat better. Since the detox I have been trying to incorporate more fruits and vegetables in every day, and I think I'm doing a good job. I even did pushups on my register at Target the other day.. I was bored :)

Anyway, everything was going fairly well until today. I brought in some of my FABULOUS newfound naan bread topped with a whole zucchini and a half a green pepper, and then I got a pop up reminding me of the catered lunch in the conference room at 12. I had zero recollection of this, but decided to wander down. I should have turned right around when I saw that it was either pizza or meat filled sandwiches, but I didn't. The smell of pizza was pulling me in, and I got 3 pieces. I would have preferred a sandwich, but like I said, meat filled and I don't eat meat. The pizza was SO. GOOD. So was the chocolate covered chocolate cake I had for dessert. About 10 minutes after I ate this, I got SO bloated and super uncomfortable. And now almost 3 hours later, I am tired and have a slight headache. What did this teach me? I need to have willpower!! I should have eaten the naan!! WHAT was I thinking?? Its not like I brought something that I didn't like but brought because it was healthy, I REALLY like the naan. And I was excited to have it. Something broke down. 15 stubborn pounds are not going to come off if I cave every time I'm tempted with bad food.

Just want to point out, I do not beat myself up every time I make a bad decision. I have been going through a serious Ben and Jerry's binge, and that hasn't bothered me one bit. But the pizza thing is because I had something else, something GOOD for lunch and I ate pizza anyway. Because this is a very long day for me and now I feel like crap. And I knew it would happen. So I'm a little mad at myself. Tomorrow's lunch? Naan. Whether or not Papa John personally caters my favorite pizza to my DESK, I will still eat the naan. And I bet I feel much better afterwards.