One Of The Most Horrifying Days Of My Life

Today, in theory, was supposed to be a good day.  I went to the beach in NC for the first time since moving here 3 years ago.  I love the ocean.  I love the waves, the noise, the sand, everything.  It's one place in the world where I feel truly relaxed.
My friends and I were driving around looking for a parking space when I got a text message.  It was from my friend Jen, who wrote, "Rachel, thank God you aren't at work today.  There was a shooting."  I read it and it took a minute to process.  Since I know Jen from Target and not my full time job, AND it was Sunday, I knew what "work" she was talking about.  And I freaked out.  I called her.  She told me someone had walked into Target with a gun and shot and killed a cashier.  I am a cashier.  I know every single cashier who works there, some better than others, but I know EVERY.  SINGLE.  ONE.  She is telling me in a crying rush, "Rachel, Becca is in there, Michael is in there, Nick and Camille and Dawn are in there..." and these are all names of good friends, bosses, but it doesn't even really matter at this point because I am thinking of everyone, all my friends and all the people I dislike and I can't stand the thought of this happening to a single one of them.  Her and I hang up with the promise to call if we hear anything, and it's the beginning of a very long couple of hours to put everything together.  I am thinking it was a random shooting.  I am remembering the final episode of Grey's, and realizing that people that I know are actually living this fictional nightmare.  It is REALITY.  I wonder if more than one person is dead, I wonder who it is, I pray to God that people are safe, I cry and shake uncontrollably for a while.  My friends don't know what to do, one is rubbing my shoulders, they are telling me it's ok, and I don't really remember how but we found a parking space.
To make this long story short, we eventually found out that it was not a random killing.  It was a man with a purpose, who wanted to kill his ex girlfriend.  He went to the end of the checklane behind her and shot her in the back.  He had apparently no desire to kill anyone else, and that is one small thing I find comfort in.  There was obviously panic and chaos and terror and screaming as people fled the store.  Apparently this coward of a man killed himself when confronted with the police.
I do not really discuss religion or my beliefs on this blog, but I have to say that it was only by the grace of God that I was not there today.  I rarely take weekend days off, but as you know, I had taken a long weekend for the holiday to give myself a break.  Other than today, I work basically almost every single Sunday.  I most likely would have been there.  What would I have done??  My biggest fear in life is dying by a violent act.  I know everyone fears this, but it's actually something that I think about.  I have had thoughts about what I would do if there was a shooting at Target, and I honestly think had I been there today, something inside of me would have probably broken and never been repaired.  I think God knew this.  I think He gives us no more than we can handle, and He knew I would not be able to handle this.  I think He had a hand in making sure no one else was hurt or killed.  I imagine all my coworkers, not knowing what was happening, running out in panic and fear, and it kills me.  It kills me. 
This has now made national news.  It is on CNN, and you can read about what happened.  Don't read the comments underneath the story.  I made that mistake and I am so angry I can barely type this out.  To the person who said all people who work for the Target store are stupid and uneducated, fuck you may you never ever be in this position.  Not one person that I know that works there is stupid.  They are doing their best in this rough economy.  They are me, trying to supplement a really good income to support more than themselves.  And they are her.... and mother and grandmother, who worked because it gave her something to do. 
So to end this, I want to say:

Guadalupe F. Rosas,

I am devastated that this happened to you.  I know you and I got off on the wrong foot when I started and for this I am so sorry.  I am grateful that we were able to put this aside and became good acquaintances over the past few months.  I am happy that I got to work next to your register last weekend and have a conversation.  Thank you for being interested in my life and asking so many questions, and for telling me a little bit about you.  I know you are a private person, and that I didn't know you very well, but I can say that you were a very classy woman and that I will miss you.  I will never ever forget this day, and I pray to God that what happened to you, happened quickly and you didn't feel pain.  You don't deserve to feel that kind of pain.  You deserve to be with God now, and at peace.  Please rest in peace.  I will be praying for your family and for you.  I am so sorry this happened.

I need to go now.  Please, everyone say an extra prayer for this woman who worked at Target to stay busy, who had children and grandchildren, who had a smile for everyone and who was taken too soon.

Grocery Stores And Obesity?

The other night, J brought this article to my attention.  Basically what this article says is that people who shop at health stores such as Whole Foods tend to be skinnier and healthier than people who shop at conventional stores.  I read it, and re-read it, and thought about it, and decided that this makes sense.  I don't know about most health grocery stores, but I do know about WF, and I know that they not only carry a higher than normal amount of organic foods, they also have standards for what they carry.  They do not carry foods that have certain ingredients.  They do not feature foods that have artificial flavorings, colorings, sweeteners, preservatives or hydrogenated fats.  So even if a person doesn't really know what to look for on a food label, they would still be protected by default, as none of the foods in the store have a lot of what most processed foods have in conventional stores.  It's not really a secret that I love WF, I went there today for the first time in a few weeks and got a ton of stuff and spent $125, and yes, that food is for mostly me, and will probably last about a week or two.  It's ok though, because I like to support the stores that do what I think is the right thing in terms of foods and diet.
I want to make sure to say right now that I don't think that people who shop at conventional stores are always unhealthy and obese.  I shop at Target half of the time.  The difference is the selection, and people who don't know, who aren't informed, who are on a budget, are going to get the foods that they think are the best bang for their buck.  Would it surprise you to know that pound for pound, most healthy options are cheaper than the unhealthy?  I wrote an entire brochure on this in college for my local grocery store.  Apples, for example, are MUCH cheaper per pound than chips.  Produce in general is cheaper than meat.  Brown rice, whole wheat pasta, whole grain bread, all these are only marginally more expensive than their white counterparts.  Reading food labels takes just a few minutes of time, and if products that contain HFCS or MSG are avoided, the impact on health is huge.  My headaches have significantly reduced since making sure these two ingredients are eliminated from my diet.
It amazes me to think of things that seem obvious to me that have caused this country to be in this mess we are in today.  For some reason, in the last hundred years, we have replaced good, healthy, organic produce with produce that is covered in chemicals and pesticides.  We have upped meat intake, and it isn't meat that is roaming pastures and eating grass, it's meat that has been stuffed into crowded buildings, eating grain, eating ground up predecessors, getting antibiotic shots, getting growth hormone shots, and all of these chemicals and toxins get stored where?  In the meat.  That humans buy, and consume daily, two or three meals a day, and they want people to think these toxins DON'T transfer?  DON'T cause problems?  What else have we done?  We have basically eliminated breastfeeding, portion sizes have more than doubled, we insist that carbs are the enemy and the more protein, the better.  We add HFCS to almost every single processed food, we add folic acid which now is being shown to cause cancer, we have foods where the entire ingredients list is chemicals.  And then we act surprised when obesity is slowly becoming the norm.  We wonder why cancer rates are going through the roof.  We don't understand the rising rates of diabetes, heart disease, all the things where the first thing questioned should be diet, but for some reason it's the last thing on anyone's mind.
I didn't really mean for this to turn into a rant.  I get worked up when I think about how deep of a mess this country has gotten into with food and disease rates.  I don't think everyone should be spending all their spare time reading up on health and nutrition and making sure they are getting all the right things at all the right times.  I DO think that the people in charge of our food supply should be doing this.  It infuriates me, the concept of making a profit over and above the health of people.  Splenda, diet sodas, HCFS, MSG, genetically modified produce and meat from sick animals... somehow this is what is taking over the majority of our grocery stores.  I am taking my small, tiny stand against it by spending my money elsewhere half the time, and spending more time reading food labels and making sure I am getting the best that is offered at other stores the other half of the time.  I like to think that I have slowly influenced a few people to do the same, even J, who when I first mentioned that I wanted to buy organic, his exact word was "Ew."  A couple of years later, and he mentions that he wants to be sure we are buying all the organic we can afford.  He read a couple of articles that scared him, such as the one linked above, and has heard me talk about this endless times, and it is finally sinking in.  I really want to think that it is slowly but steadily sinking in for the rest of the country as well.

Changed It Up!!

I told y'all that I was REALLY wanting to change my template, what do you think?? I LOVE it, I have a small obsession with cherries so this was perfect. (I cannot do the tacky cherry things though, ya know, like seat covers for my car or anything... but I do have a cherry belly button ring!) I also changed the pic, that's one from the wedding with Jenny making a face, lol. I might still play around, stay tuned :)

Sorry AGAIN that I don't really have a lot to say. I guess I can tell you that I am about to shampoo my carpet and everyone cross fingers that the pet stains come out :( I may or may not go running, but I am so tired of this wet, slightly chilly, dark weather that I bet I don't go. Seriously, where is all this RAIN coming from? I would also like to add that I came home from work last night after downpours and thunderstorms all day long, and the lawn sprinklers were on. I'm sure they were on a timer, but my leasing office is open every day, they can't shut them off? The building is about to float away.

Molly is asleep on the floor next to me. She is dreaming about something and is barking a quiet little dream bark. She won't want to go running either. She is a tomboy for sure, but a total diva when it comes to rain. I can barely take her out to pee when it's raining, she gets all excited when she sees the leash, but as soon as we step out and she sees she is about to get wet, she will stop, look at me like, "bitch please," and turn right around. For real. This is not a water loving dog. The one good thing is that when I finally make her go out, because hello, she is not allowed to pee in the house no matter what the carpet stains may tell you, she does her business FAST. Then we come back, she shakes for about 10 minutes, and goes off and sulks until she dries off.

Well, I guess that solved the running problem. Tori, Dean, and RHNJ drama it is. (Oh yes, and does anyone else watch the RH? Anyone watching NY right now? Anyone else really only able to stomach Bethany and Alex right now?? Seriously, what is wrong with the others?? We have Jill the total victim playing drama queen, Luanne the "better than everyone but my man is creepy and totally gonna be on the news one day," Ramona with her crazy eyes, and Kelly- who I have no words for. Sonya, I don't know her well enough yet. But please, PLEASE people, don't judge NY based off this freakshow. I promise, the other 99.9% of us are normal.)

Drama Drama Drama

Hey everyone,

Just a little post to tell you that I'm still here. I don't have a lot to say, it's been a rough week and weekend with a lot happening in my personal life and I have a lot that I am suddenly trying to work through. When I have time and I'm feeling better I will be back. Im still reading blogs though, you all are cheering me up more than you know!

Really Quickly, Very Important

So, I promise this isn't going to be a political post but something was just brought to my attention and I am feeling really strongly about this. Apparently there is a bill trying to be passed with an ammendment that says that supplements will be regulated by the pharmaceutical companies, and therefore you will not be able to get vitamins and supplements without a prescription. Crap?? I think so. Anyway, if you want to send a letter to your Senator, click HERE, click on "Breaking News" in the center of the page, and you will be taken to an article to read about all of this and you can fill out a brief form against this revision that will be sent to your Senator.





Thanks everyone! Sorry to get all crazy :)

Callin Out The Texas Readers!

I think I have three Texas followers? I think? Anyway, just wanted to let you know I was representin' TEXAS today with my new Hard Rock Cafe-San Antonio t-shirt, thanks to my aunt who went on a trip and sent it to me. It's super cute, (pink with some gold bling) and fits perfectly and I got a lot of compliments on it today, so thanks Aunt Marcy!! :) I figured my Texas peeps would appreciate the news :)
Other than the fab shirt, I did not have a fabulous day. I should have known it would start badly when I went to one of my fav running blogs and saw that she was answering a question from a certain reader. I scrolled down, read the blog, was reading the comments, found the comment from said featured reader... and almost choked on my oatmeal. The girl gave her email, which was a standard first name, last name, @-somewhere format, and lo and behold, it was from a girl that I have disliked almost my entire life. Yes, somehow in my hometown of about 3 people, this girl that I thought I was rid of forever shows up on a blog. What the crap?? I only know two people IRL who blog. She doesn't appear to have a blog, but of all the running blogs in all the world, she shows up on one that I read. Go Away. For the love, just please re-disappear. Yes, I know it sounds petty that I have held a grudge since 3rd grade, and maybe you don't understand, but let me tell you it wasn't just one thing. This girl has done repeated things to reaffirm my feelings towards her. She is a pathological liar for one thing, and lying is one of the most unattractive qualities a person can have, in my opinion. Anyway, I am going to let this go. Suffice to say, this set the tone for the rest of the day.. long day at work, fight with my boss that forced me to see him in a different light, stressed to the MAX, wanted to go for a run but didn't make it because I fell asleep, stupid me, and now I am wide awake and probably won't get to bed for forever. I am going to blame the girl. She started it all. She came back into my life, and it's been downhill ever since. (Except for the shirt. I love the shirt. I am choosing not to blame my bad day on Texas.)

A Little Update

Hello blog! I've missed you so much!! And remember that reason I had for abandoning all of you? "Work?" Yeah.. so I put in a lot of overtime (that I do NOT get paid for) last week to get all my stuff done and submitted on time. And what happened? The OTHER people who were responsible for their parts did not finish. So nothing actually made the deadline. This doesn't affect me directly, because my boss knows I did my part and the people who did not are not in my department, but it's still frustrating to know that I worked hard to get everything done while everyone else was slacking off. Whatever. They still need to do work and I'm done, so I guess that's my consolation.
ANYWAY, enough about work! Let's talk about good things from this week. Tonight Molly and I went for a run, and I use the term "run" loosely today. It was HOT here in NC this evening, so I waited till about 8pm before getting ready. I did not check the temp when we left, but stepping outside was like stepping into a hot tub.. hot and HUMID. Still, we were on our way. I debated actually bring Molly back after a couple of minutes but she was so excited that I felt bad. She ended up not being able to really handle the heat very well, so we walked more than half of the way. About an hour after we got back I checked the temp and it said 84, so I bet it was at least high 80's, low 90's when we went out. I know my face was beet red and clothes were soaked, I can imagine how hot is was for her. (She is totally fine now by the way, so all those PETA fans can relax.) Anyway, this brings me to my super exciting news, my new RUNNING SKIRT!! Yes, a running skirt. Its a little black skirt with booty shorts underneath that you wear to run. I would never buy one except I heard good things, so I decided to go for it. I'm glad I did, because it stayed in place, didn't stick to sweat, and was a lot cooler than the leggings I have been wearing up to this point. It showed my cellulite more than I would have liked, but it's ok, because as Candance and Michelle have taught me, cellulite is ok as long as it is tanned. And I am still tan from the wedding :) And since I can't really talk about our time today, let's talk about Thursday. It took us 33 minutes, and used to take 45. Progress? I think so! If I can drag myself out of bed before Target tomorrow, we will go in the morning before it gets too hot. But as you can see, it's midnight right now so I am not promising anything. If I can, it will be rather "runnerish" of me :)
I hope you all are having a good weekend, and I will see you tomorrow or Monday. I promise to never put work before you again. I learned my lesson.. there is nothing to be gained from putting work before blogging. (Dave... Dan... I am totally kidding. Of course work is my life. Stop it.)

Once Again, Work Is In The Way

Hello friends... yes, I am still alive. This is a super busy week at the real job so I probably won't be really posting till this weekend. IT works based on release schedules, and this week is a release week and I am SWAMPED. Understatement of the year actually, since I have wanted to cry every day this week, probably more than once. (No, I did not actually cry, but I certainly wanted too.) I think next week will be a little more relaxed. My boss and a couple of coworkers are out with some sort of sickness and I think I am starting to catch it, boo. I woke up this morning with a sore throat and headache. I may leave shortly to take a nap and then log in from home and get work done from my bed. That sounds a lot nicer than my desk. (And this answers the question of why I cannot blog AFTER work... because this week, work follows me home and sits there and stares at me. Kind of like Molly.) Speaking of Molly, we went for our run on Monday and I realized that we have cut down the time by 10 minutes!! Yay!!

Anyway, my lunch break is coming to a close. I hope you all have a good week, I will see you soon!!

My Other Child

Meet my other child. Molly usually gets all the attention on the blog, so I thought Lexi should make her debut. Its 1:20 am, I just got home from work at 12:30, and yes, that is a 17 hour day. Not. Fabulous. But I am home now, and I have my feet up, and I am kickin back with some blogs. Its the perfect time of day, because everything is peaceful and quiet, I have my girl Lexi curled up in the crack between the bed and the wall and she is snoring her little face off, and I have Molly on the floor, right up next to the bed. J, unfortunately, works nights so he rarely joins us in our little sleep haven because he is either working or wide awake in the other room. But that's ok, I have gotten used to it and it means more room for Lexi and I :)


This is the only pic on my camera that I have of Lexi, because she is elusive. She likes to stay on the DL, away from Molly. I guess that if you weighed 10 pounds, you would probably run from this too..


She is a super smart cat. Last night she wanted water out of Molly's water dish, but Molly can be protective of her food/water bowls. So I watched her go to the bowl to see if there was water. Then, before she drank, she ran to the door of the bedroom to make sure Molly was sleeping. After she realized that Molly was passed out, she ran back over and drank. Too funny!!! Her signature move is to crawl on your chest while you are laying down and start licking your neck. I never said she wasn't weird.
Anyway, Miss Lexi is going to be 7 this summer. She came along at a really rough time in my life and helped drag me out of it, and I will always cherish her for that. She will always be allowed to sleep in bed :) No Molly. Not you. I'm sorry, but you are too big and too crazy. I still love you just the same :)

Disclaimer: These are old pictures of the kids, but Lexi still looks the same even though she was probably 2 there. Elusive, like I said. And Molly was probably 30 pounds lighter as well. *sigh* Time flies.

5 Things About 5 Things

Will over at Fatherhood & Other Common Terrors tagged me in this little game. I was pretty excited too, because I have never been tagged in anything before, so it's kind of like PROOF that people read my blog and maybe even like it? Who knows! Anyway, here we go..

Where I was Five Years Ago:
Drunk, because I was 21, so let me see if I can come up with four more..
In college, living with my boyfriend in a little bitty house.. in 4 months (5 years ago,) we will break up
Working at a restaurant, making really good money
Exactly 5 years ago I would have been studying for/taking finals *shudder*
Potty training puppy-Molly and failing miserably

Where I would like to be Five Years From Now:
Living in a house that I own
Parenting at least one child
Working ONE job, and making a fabulous side living off of blogging or perhaps a published book
Still not looking my real age (which will be 31!!!!)
Maybe living in Savannah??

What is on my To Do List Today:
Go to real job
Stay awake
Go to Target
Stay awake
Go home and pass out!!

What Five Snacks do I enjoy?
Apples with peanut butter
Soft bread with red pepper hummus (my new thing as of last night!!)
Chips with guac and pico
Clif Bars
Cheese and crackers

What would I do if I Were A Billionaire:
Quit both jobs and spend my days blogging, exercising, cooking, and volunteering
Buy a really nice, but not TOO big, house with a big backyard for Molly
Have all the clothes and shoes I want :)
Go to the beach all the time. Actually, I want a beach house. In Fiji :)
Make sure all my family and friends, and all their kids, are taken care of for life

I can't think of 5 people to tag this too, so if you want to take part, do it and just let me know. Happy Friday everyone!

I Met The Devil Today. Her Name Is Jillian.

Today was another fabulous Target-free day!! I went to the real job, and right afterwards I came home to some TV and a little nap. A-Mazing. So this is how normal people live? I am so jealous.

Anyway, I have decided it's time to get back on the horse. So Molly and I laced up after it cooled down, (ahem, 7:30pm,) and went for our run. I was surprised that even after taking a couple of weeks off due to my knee, we seemed to have more endurance! I didn't time it perfectly, but what usually took us 45 minutes only took a little over a half hour. I know I ran a lot further in the beginning than I usually do, but we still took plenty of time to walk and I gave Molly an extra break because she was looking pretty worn out. Maybe we need to increase the distance? I don't know. I'm happy that the break didn't set me back like I thought it would, maybe using the elliptical did more than I give it credit for? Who knows, but I was really happy with it.

After we came home, I decided to try this DVD.

I have had this DVD for a couple of weeks now. I watched it to see what I was getting myself into and have been eyeing it ever since. At first I really couldn't because of my knee. Then I kept having all these plans to start, and I always had an excuse not too. Today was the day. Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you something.... this woman is not your friend. She is the workout trainer/tyrant from hell, and she LIKES it. Honestly, when I watched it I realized it would be challenging, but I figured I would be able to do most of it. I didn't even make it through the first circuit! I was able to do the ab circuits a little easier than the legs, but I pretty much gave it my all and I still did not complete a single circuit. And I shut it off about halfway through. She. Is. Insane. I'm onto her. She is very mild mannered in this DVD, no yelling or anything like on Biggest Loser. She makes the movements small and uses three pound weights, and so you are sucked in thinking hey, I can at least make a good effort. I have never felt more like a fitness failure in my LIFE. This? Is my Everest. It's my summer goal to make it through this DVD one time all the way through. I have a feeling that in order to do that, I will have to practice lunges and squats before attempting the moves she brings with them. (I also need to not do another workout that I find challenging, i.e. running, RIGHT BEFORE I attempt this DVD.) I also have a feeling that by the time I can do it all the way through, my body will have no choice but to tone up. She is a demon, but I think she will get the work done. I may thank her later.

For now, tonight, I hate her and think she is the devil.

Help

Wow, I cannot write a post today to save my life. I have written and deleted and written and deleted and MAN I cannot get a single thought out without sounding so boring that I'm putting myself to sleep. I need to get some pics on here, or change the layout or something. All the blogs I follow are much more interesting looking. I'm sick of mine. Does anyone have ideas? Anyone know how to create a layout? And I need a camera cord to put pictures on to break up all the WORDS. Maybe I should switch to Wordpress? Except I don't know how to do that and its complicated and scary looking. I'm such a computer moron for real, I need help.