Random Thoughts

I don't have a whole thought to post today, but I have lots of little ones.

• I decided not to care about the 5 pounds. Its that time of the month, and I'm going to blame that. I feel skinnier, I LOOK skinnier, and I got hit on a lot when I went out last weekend. As in, I was the girl who got into the bar for free. Hellz yes, so I'm not even thinking about that 5 pounds anymore.
• From now on in my blogs, my boyfriend will be referred to as "J." I am sick of typing out all the words "my boyfriend" so J it is.
• J and I watched Obsessed last night, and its a good thing he isn't a jealous man because I spent kind of a lot of time drooling over Idris. Which J already knew, because we used to watch The Wire, and he was in that too. Mmmm.... Idris....
• Up until now I have been spray tanning this winter. I am a die hard tanner, and I will lay in the sun this summer but I decided the bed was not for me. Until yesterday. When I saw the word "Instant" next to a room with a bed, and a VERY dark girl emerge from that room. Apparently this bed tans you in one session. I don't know if I can resist trying this out.
• Did you see the buttons on my page?? I FINALLY figured out how to take buttons and display them!! This is exciting for me, except I cannot get the SITS button. It doesn't like my page. Has anyone else had this problem? And FYI, I still don't know how to get my own button.
• I still have 2 nights off this week from Target, and I'm not sure I will be using them for good. I may use them the way I used the other two, to lay in bed and be a lazy, lazy loser. Does anyone want to come clean my apartment? Because I'm not promising I will get to it. Ever.
• As I am writing this post, a man came over to my pod and hung a giant sign over my desk that reads our company name is huge letters, followed by "Information Technology." Everyone is looking at it like, duh, we know where we are. And my boss came over pretending to be lost and said thank God for the sign, because he wasn't sure where he was. Office humor, I know, but seriously... we have been here for 12 years and now there needs to be a sign? Who's brilliant plan was that?
• I think I am going to have bean tacos for dinner. Yes, yes I do. That sounds fabulous. So far today I had a green smoothie, a banana with peanut butter, naan loaded with veggies, and 4 Thin Mints. Tonight I will have bean, lettuce and tomato tacos, with a little cheese and salsa. Does this sound like the diet of a girl who should be gaining 5 pounds? I didn't think so.
• Its raining and cold again. It was warm for two days, and now its gross outside. I couldn't be more ready for summer. Laying by the pool, not needing to bundle up to walk the dog, no need to warm the car before work....ahhh....

Not Feeling Great

You all know that for the past couple of weeks, I have been trying to eat mostly Raw. Things have been going well, I have experienced MUCH less bloating, I have a little more energy, and the food is really good. I have felt like I have been losing weight, probably due to lack of bloating, and I've been in a really good mood about it. (Not to mention that I really like knowing that I'm being healthier in my diet, getting all those greens with my smoothies and other fruits and veggies all day.) I FEEL better, but when I stepped on the scale this morning, I weigh actually 5 pounds MORE. This is such non-exciting news. Now I am 20 pounds away from my goal weight instead of 15. I'm so confused, because I feel better, I think I look better without my GIANT swollen bloated stomach, but I still managed to GAIN weight? WTF??? I know its just a number on the scale, I know that it matters more how I feel, but it's still discouraging. And I also know that I don't get the exercise that I should, so I bet that would make a difference too. Its really hard to start going to the gym when its been so long. I want to nap instead. Right now I am exhausted and for really no reason, because I got a good night's sleep last night. And all I can think about is taking a nap when I get home. Maybe its the weather. Who knows. If its not raining, I will try to take the dog for a walk later. I need to start somewhere. I'm tired of carrying around this extra weight that I have had for a few years now. UGH.

I will try to cheer up and maybe come back later with something less depressing.

Weekend recap

Hello everyone :) I meant to post this weekend, which is something I rarely do. But when I got onto my home computer, I noticed apparently its allergic to anything Google, which included the search page, Gmail, and blogger. So after getting super frustrated trying to figure out what was wrong, I gave up. Sorry about that! But I did have a fabulous weekend. First of all, I was sick on Friday AGAIN, with the second 24 hour bug that I got last week. Fever, sore throat, headache all over again. I stayed home from work and slept till I felt better. Saturday I went into work at Target and since they are trying to cut hours for the next couple weeks, my 8 hour shift was changed to a 4 hour.. I could NOT have been happier. And it was gorgeous outside and I couldn't stand being shut up inside at my register, so I begged to be a cart attendant. That's right. That's how bad I wanted to be outside. And so for the last hour that I was there, my friend and I went outside and pushed carts, which we have no experience doing and therefore spent most of the time in tears from laughing and being flipped off by customers in the cars because we were blocking traffic. It was by far my best shift at Target to date.
Later that night, I went out in downtown Raleigh with some friends and had a fabulous time. I rarely go out and drink anymore, so when I do, its always a blast. I went out a couple of weeks ago for a birthday, but before then it had been over a year since I was out. So it was nice to relax with the girls, (and a couple of guys who joined us for part of the trip, and no, not randoms, these were boys we knew,) dance, and get generally drunk. The only thing I would change about this trip if I could was that we didn't get home till about 4 in the morning because everyone else wanted to eat. I didn't eat, I was good, but they all wanted greasy food so I sat there while they did that, and then the cab ride home seemed to take FOREVER. By the time I got home I was practically asleep, and I had to work at 2:00. That was NOT a good shift, but I made it through :)
This week I don't work at Target till Friday, so I will have plenty of time after work to do the things I want to do, like groceries, tanning, cleaning, maybe the gym. Who knows. Today I am dragging the boyfriend with me to the store so he can choose what food he wants. He isn't happy about this, but since he won't eat what I buy him, he has earned a trip. And then a trip to Whole Foods for me, and its home for the night.
Sorry I didn't have a lot to say, but I haven't posted since Thursday and this is all I had. I hope everyone else also had a fabulous weekend, I am catching up on blogs right now and a couple of you have made me fall out laughing out loud at my desk, so thanks for that. See you tomorrow!

Letters Of Intent

Dear (Ahem) Real Job:
I really like the new position you have settled me in. I like the work. I have no problem doing the work all day, and overtime if need be. With that being said.. do you think you could GIVE me some work to do? Because I would rather not be fired for being on Blogger ALL DAY LONG, if that's all right with you.

Dear Whoever Took My Parking Space:
I left for 10 minutes to get lunch. Pray that I don't find out who you are because walking a mile from my new parking space put me in a really bad mood.

Dear Target:
You didn't really do anything to me, but I just don't want to come in tonight. Do you think I could stay home in bed and you could pay me anyway? That would be fabulous.

Dear Guy Who Sits Behind Me:
I know your real name by the way, but didn't want to broadcast on my blog..... I'm sorry I have been on the phone for the past hour. You see, work doesn't really give me much to do this week so I need to occupy my time, and some of this involves the phone. Don't worry, I'm hoping next week you will hear a little less personal conversation and a little more Lil Wayne wafting over from my ipod while I'm hard at work.

Dear CNN:
So today you have a story that made me just flip out on the inside. Apparently we are now arresting middle school aged children because they are writing on their desks? What has this country come too? I hate that I'm now at the age, (26!!!) where I can say "back in my day," but back in my day? Kids doodled, scribbled, carved, etc on their desks all day long. We wrote on the inside cover of textbooks. We had food fights. And yes, sometimes we got detention or whatever, but arrested??? I cannot believe it has come to this. Please, all you great minds of America, stop pushing and pushing useless rules with dire consequences for CHILDREN. Its unnecessary to arrest a child for doodling on a desk. Talk about a power trip. Are we really spending time and money to station actual police officers at a school to deal with these tiny, minor infractions instead of spending money on GYM CLASS and MUSIC PROGRAMS, and damn it... a HEALTHY SCHOOL LUNCH???? No, please. This would be asking too much.

The journey

The first thing I want to share today is this AMAZING green smoothie I made last night. It was inspired by, but not stolen from, ideas from Kristen. There are some things on her site that she talks about all the time, like Raw Chocolate, and Hemp Protein Powder, and I had no clue where to get these things. She has a link on her website so I figured I would order it all from there, until I went to Whole Foods last night and turned a corner and bam! It was all there, lined right up like I had asked for it or something. I wasn't even looking for it, so I was super excited. So I bought the chocolate and the protein powder and a bunch of fruit, and made this:



One mango

One banana

Handful of Raw chocolate

Two tablespoons of hemp powder

One handful each swiss chard and baby spinach

Splash of vanilla extract



It was lime green colored, chocolate flavored greatness. I also had one for breakfast. Last night I paired this smoothie with a sandwich on whole wheat bread, with tomato, avocado, and a sprinkle of organic mozzarella. This morning, I brought two more bananas and peanut butter for either a mid morning or afternoon snack, whenever I feel like it. I'm getting a Quiznos salad, (I know, I just ruined it didn't I..) but at least its a salad with dressing that I will add MYSELF, and not a giant sandwich or something. I'm PMSing, I'm entitled. Especially since I only had 2 Thin Mints yesterday. EXTREME willpower.



I was thinking last night about all the stages people go through to lose weight and/or be healthy. I was thinking that there are a lot of people out there who are starting their progress in baby steps, like switching to baked chips, or giving up soda. (Soda is the devil. If you still drink it, STOP.) There are people who are starting to put mustard instead of mayonnaise on their sandwiches, and trying to eat more turkey than ham. People who are trying to drink more water, but can't stand water, so they flavor it somehow. And to these people, I say good job. Keep it up. Because everyone has to start somewhere, and not everyone can make a giant, drastic, green smoothie change all in one day. Not everyone understands or cares about organic produce, or the importance of NOT DRINKING SODA. I think becoming healthy is a journey, and anything big or small that you can do to improve your health, you should do it and feel good about it. When I started eating meat again after high school, I decided I could never give it up again. I have been meat free now for over a year and I don't really miss it. When I first heard about eating Raw, years and years ago, I didn't even give it a second thought. I dismissed it as something I could never do. (And to be fair, I still don't think I could do it completely. I love spaghetti too much.) But as you learn and grow, you discover things about yourself that you can do, that all of a sudden you WANT to do. So for the people who are taking their food journey in baby steps, I am SO proud of you. One day you will look back and see how far you have come, and you will be proud too.

Hanging on by a thread

Today, my willpower is being tested. I am trying to avoid processed sugar for a while because of the seriously ridiculous binge I went on last week, and what happens today? Oh right... GIRL SCOUT COOKIE DAY. That's right. I ordered three boxes and they are here, today of all days. They have been shoved into my bag, out of sight but not out of mind. They are actually so on my mind that I'm debating giving them away, but then BF would be mad. Two of the boxes are for him. I don't usually stress about eating sugar, because I don't usually eat a whole lot of it, but I really don't know what happened last week. I couldn't get enough. Cookie dough... ice cream... chocolates... and I'm talking like 3 containers of ice cream. And I don't even usually like ice cream. I feel like an addict right now, jonesing for my sugar. Normally, the mango and two kiwi I had for breakfast would have been enough and the "sweet" craving would have been satisfied, so I guess that goes to show you how hard it is to recover from even just a few days of bad eating. But I will do it. Hormones and all from PMSing, I will do it. I'm not stupid.. I know that if I cut it cold turkey I will binge on it sooner or later. I am allowing myself a dark chocolate Jello Mousse cup after lunch. But the cookies are burning out of my bag and staring at me with their Thin-Mint eyes. They WILL wait.

Damn you Juliette Low. Damn you.

The V-Day Weekend

So its Tuesday, and I'm back at work after my long weekend. (Well, it was only one real day off from work, so my version of a long weekend= one day= pathetic.) But anyway.. Valentine's Day was surprisingly great :) Not the actual day, because I had to work and the boyfriend had a funeral, (I know, on Valentine's Day,) but Saturday was great. I woke up and went into the kitchen still half asleep, and found a card on the counter. He has NEVER bought me a card. Inside he said he loved me and to look on the couch for presents. He bought me 2 new feather pillows for the bed, because I ALWAYS complain about our pillows, a new laptop bag for work that is SO cute, 2 jar candles, and the new Wayne CD. He hates Valentine's Day, so I was surprised and a little emotional over all the new stuff. He made my weekend :) (And in case you are wondering, I bought him Dante's Inferno for the PS3. Pretty much, I am encouraging use of this stupid thing, so that's really the nicest gift of all.)
So Sunday night I got sick. Somehow, I developed a nasty head cold over the course of my shift that day, and by the time I got home I had a sore throat, a fever, and headache, and all kinds of body aches and pains. I took some nighttime Sudafed and went to sleep, woke up yesterday and stayed in bed all day. The main purpose of me telling you this is that despite feeling like someone hit me with a truck, I stuck to my decision to start eating more Raw. And so I had two mango's, a bowl of strawberries, 2 bananas with peanut butter, a salad, and my little naan creation. And I realize that even though its full of veggies, its not Raw, but I only cook it for about 15 minutes so I'm calling it half. And I also dragged myself away from my bed and my Grey's marathon to bundle up and take my dog for a little stroll around the complex. And surprise surprise... I feel better today. I don't feel great, and I still think I will be taking a nap when I get home, but I no longer have the fever, the sore throat, or the body aches. All I really feel is tired. Now maybe it was just a 24 hour thing, or maybe it was the good, healthy food and the walk, but either way it didn't hurt. So this morning I had a mango and two bananas, and I have naan for lunch, and we will see how it goes. I will keep you all updated.

And PS... no bloating. And this is the greatest thing of all.